We grow up admiring superheroes. Their incredible abilities, their perfect judgment, their unshakable confidence. It is easy to want to be like them. But somewhere along the way, that admiration can quietly turn into an unreachable standard we hold ourselves to every single day.
Perfectionism gets tossed around as a personality trait, sometimes even worn like a badge of honor. But what does it actually mean? For some, it means holding themselves to impossibly high standards. For others, it means placing those same impossible expectations onto the people around them. However it shows up, perfectionism rarely leads to the positive outcomes we hope for.
The Hidden Cost of Chasing Perfect
One of the great ironies of perfectionism is that we become so focused on identifying what is wrong that we lose sight of everything that is right. When we set a bar that is nearly impossible to reach, we almost always fall short of it. And from there, it becomes a slippery slope.
When we fixate on our shortcomings, we tend to procrastinate, avoid challenges, and fall into all-or-nothing thinking. We compare ourselves to others constantly. We lose our creativity. Over time, these patterns can contribute to depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, and in more serious cases, suicidal ideation. Most painfully, we lose the thing that matters most: our authenticity.
Turning Perfectionism Into a Strength
The good news is that high standards, when held in the right way, can actually work for you. The shift happens when we learn to acknowledge a result, good or bad, and adjust forward rather than spiral inward.
When we stop allowing failure to trigger guilt or shame, and start seeing it as a challenge or an opportunity to try again, we develop something far more powerful than perfection. We develop resilience.
A Tool That Can Help: DIG Deep
In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, researcher and author Brené Brown offers a practical framework for moving forward called DIG Deep. It stands for:
Deliberate: Be intentional with your thoughts and feelings. This might look like prayer, meditation, or simply setting an intention for the day.
Inspired: Use that awareness to make a new or different choice.
Going: Take action. Not perfect action. Just action.
With these tools, all of us can begin to live a more authentic and fulfilling life. The goal is not to lower your standards. It is to stop letting the pursuit of perfection stand in the way of the life you actually want.
If perfectionism is affecting your mental health or daily life, working with a therapist can help. At Courage to Connect Mental Health Center, our therapists support patients across Glenview, Wilmette, Glencoe, and Lake Bluff, and throughout Illinois via Telehealth.
Call us at (847) 730-3042 or reach out online to get started.
