When it comes to the views of young adults on relationships, it is evident that a marked shift in attitudes has occurred. Statistics regarding relationships in younger adults indicate that fewer young adults are seeking marriage, more young adults believe in co-habitation and young adults seeking marriage are doing so much later in life.

Young adults are also highly sexually active. Statistics show that 90 percent of 20 to 24- year-olds report having sexual intercourse even though they are not married or in a longterm, committed relationship. The changes in attitude of young adults regarding their relationships are quite significant when compared with older generations. Even though older generations were delaying marriage until their late twenties or early thirties, many supported the idea of marriage as a principal foundation for raising a family. Young adults today believe that cohabitation is the only requisite for starting a family. If two individuals love each other and live together, this environment is suitable. These changes in attitudes have created some concern over the future of marriage and the ability of couples to provide for their children over the long-term. However, even though more young adults are eschewing marriage, many believe in having committed relationships.

For parents of young adults, new attitudes regarding marriage and family life may seem quite shocking and surprising. Many parents may believe that in order for their children to have happy and successful families, marriage is needed. For some parents and young adult children, this difference in values may prompt conflict. Parents that adhere to their values may find it  difficult to accept the views of their children.

This may create notable barriers to successful communication and positive relationship outcomes. For parents faced with this difficult situation, moving forward can be a challenge. However, it is necessary for parents to recognize their role in their adult children’s lives and attempt to accept the decisions made by them. Although adult children are often seen as still in need of support and guidance, parents need to recognize that their role in shaping outcomes for their children has changed. As adults, children have the right to explore their worlds, determine what is right for them, make mistakes and learn from these mistakes. As adult children follow through these processes, parents must respect their children’s decisions and recognize that their adult children have the right to determine and direct the course of their own lives.

Although this advice can be presented in a logical and rational manner, the emotions involved in parents letting go of their children can be quite intense. Parents, because of their natural desire to protect their children, want to spare them from harm and provide them with the benefit of their wisdom. As such, even when parents see their adult children making a mistake, their first response is

to intervene and to stop the mistake from happening. Emotions involved in this process will typically drive behavior, and in the end, action from parents may result in a broader set of problems and more conflict. Even when parents have the best intentions, the outcomes may not reflect these intentions. The view of relationships held by young adults clearly challenges the views of parents and society, especially when it comes to marriage and building a family. While the views of young adult children on relationships may be much different than those held by their parents, young adults have the right to express their opinions and live their lives in a way that they believe suits their needs. Parents that must come to terms with differences in opinions regarding marriage and family may find it difficult to avoid conflict on the issue. In order to overcome this conflict, parents have to recognize the need for their young adult children to make free and autonomous decisions. While allowing this process to occur may create internal conflict for the parent, it will ensure that parents are able to maintain positive relationships with their adult children.

Dr. Clatch practices at the Courage to Connect Therapeutic Center, 2400 Ravine Way, Suite 600, Glenview. For more info, call 847-347-5757 or visit couragetoconnecttherapy.com.

The numbers are staggering. In the United States today, suicide is the third leading cause of death among adolescents and young people.

While many teens are prone to periods of depression and anxiety, prolonged exposure to these emotions can result in cognitive changes that may lead to the decision of the teen to commit suicide.

Even though suicidal ideation is serious, professional intervention to address underlying problems can provide the needed support to prevent suicide from occurring.

Given the magnitude of the problem, it is important to consider the precipitating events that can lead an adolescent or young adult to consider suicide. Clearly, biological changes resulting as a consequence of puberty can contribute to the confusion and emotional upheaval experienced by many teens during this period of their lives.

Placed in the context of dynamic changes in their social environment – including more freedom, romantic relationships and peer pressure – teens can experience significant distress that may otherwise be labeled by a parent or caregiver as “growing pains.” While it is indeed true that many teens experience growing pains, it is important for adults to remember that the social environment for adolescents and young adults has changed dramatically.

An examination of the modern social environment in which many teens are reared demonstrates that today’s youth have access to information and resources that were once only available to adults. This shift, coupled with the ability of teens to access almost anything via the Internet, has served as the foundation of increased suicide rates in recent years.

Changes in the mass media have also contributed to increased rates of suicide among youth. Efforts to capture the attention of the youthful demographic have resulted in movies, television shows and songs that romanticize the concept of death.

Teens that have other risk factors for depression and suicidal ideation may be more susceptible to the messages that are being sent through various media. When juxtaposed against peer pressure, many teens may feel pressure to commit suicide without recognizing the true scope of their actions.

Although teenagers are often viewed as young adults, the reality is that most teens do not possess the cognitive skills and maturity to understand the concept of death and its implications. As a result, teens may glorify suicide as a viable alternative to the difficulties of life when problems arise.

Coupled with the impulsivity of youth, the end result can be the decision of the teen to commit suicide without really understanding what this choice means. When synthesized together, the difficulties associated with adolescent development become more apparent.

Even though the challenges facing adolescents are clearly overwhelming, parents concerned about their teens can provide help when problems arise. Parents that witness significant changes in their child’s mood or behavior should attempt to connect with their child to understand the problems and issues their children are facing. Parents must also be aware of the more subtle signs of mood disorders, including insomnia, changes in appetite and somatic complaints such as head and stomachaches.

If parents are unable to connect with their teens or if connection does not result in an improvement in the child’s mood or symptoms, parents may need to consider professional intervention and support.

Interestingly, 90 percent of teens that engage in suicidal ideation have a treatable psychiatric disorder. In most instances, teens become overwhelmed with depression or anxiety, which are the most common causes of suicidal behavior. While parents may believe that they can help their child, when serious mental health issues arise, parents will be best served to seek help from a professional for their child.

Adolescence is a trying time for both teens and parents. For teens contemplating suicide, there is help.

Professional treatment can provide the needed supports for teens to cope with challenges and overcome many of the obstacles associated with adolescence. A safe, comfortable place to share feelings and thoughts will help alleviate the negative pressures teens are confronted with from their peers, society and family.

Although this journey will not be easy, it is manageable. Suicide is not an inevitable fate for the depressed, distressed or anxious teen.

Contributed by Dr. Michael Clatch for What’s Happening! Community Newspapers. View the article

View a jpeg of the article